don’t know what i dreamt, but i woke up with a sense of longing and loss

and with his broken voice running in my head

i blame the weather

[this was the song]

there’s so much rattling around in my head that it’s hard to get anything out through my fingers.

it’s been an emotional weekend.  my god-dog nelson is no more.  i’m learning about my own limits again.  they’ve changed.  it’s interesting but i feel like maybe i need to take a nap now.  i’ve been discovering and rediscovering music.  

on the music front, i have fallen madly in love with the work of andy mckee.  the last track on dreamcatcher in particular (“i will see you again”) has grabbed me and isn’t letting me go.  sitting up way too late last night/this morning listening to it, it occurred to me that his song works kind of like love does - everything’s pleasant and moving along in a more or less predictable fashion, and then suddenly you’re completely blindsided by beauty.  which reminded me that i’m better at loving people than i am at taking care of myself.  which then made me want another nap.

did i mention i’m having trouble organizing my head today?  sorry.  here, go look at this instead: xkcd

this old piece of mine popped into my head a little while ago.  trolling through my hard drive trying to find it, i unearthed a few other things i haven’t thought about in a long time.  they made me smile.  so once more, for old time’s sake (and hi mark, wherever you are)…  

how many people
he said
that we see every day
walking down the street
doing their shopping
are just trying to hold it together
because most people
he said
i reckon are trying
to get over one thing or another

10.april 2006
[quoting mark caswell]

so last saturday night i ventured out with some people i don’t know very well (and am now not likely to), to an odd little lo-fi elektro night at a squat in deepest darkest wedding.  it was the kind of thing that would have been fun with the right company, or the right level of intoxication or whatever, but as it was, it was just a little awkward and very very boring.  so after a few hours of sticking it out and hoping it would get better (and a completely awesome rendition of ich möchte ein eisbär sein done with video game bleeps and noise), i decided to admit defeat and head back toward home territory.  i mounted my trusty steed and off i went.

a little past the halfway-home mark, i heard a jingling noise.  sometimes my chain lock slips between the bars of my basket and dangles a bit, so i assumed that was it and carried on another few blocks to the top of the hill i was climbing before stopping to look.  when i dismounted, i noticed 2 things: one, the lock was fine, right where it was supposed to be.  two, my handbag had overturned and my keys were no longer in it.  now, i’m under no delusions about my propensity for misplacing things, so there are three people in berlin who’ve got keys to my place.  unfortunately, all three of them were out of town. fuck.  there was nothing for it but to retrace my steps, trying to remember which exact streets i’d taken, until i found my keys.  hopefully. maybe.  as i was turning my bike around, i heard the jingling again.  i looked down and saw - miraculously - my keys, suspended from a spoke.  they’d been stuck there by inertia for blocks.  

lucky, or what?